Last night, my husband rolled over to face me in his sleep, grabbed my hand and pulled it close to his chest. He never cracked an eye. I laid there watching him sleep, feeling the love just pulsating through me and I realized that his hand is the hand I want to hold forever. Of course, I made that realization four-years prior when I decided to marry him, but isn't it a wonderful feeling to realize it over and over again? In honor of my fantastic husband, I have compiled a list of 10 ways we make sure we will realize every day that our hands fit perfectly together and they always will.
1. Express gratitude. Instead of constantly searching for the negatives, try to tell your spouse how much you appreciate what they do for your family unit more than once a day. I can't tell you how much it means to me to hear my husband praise my mothering, especially when it's in private and I know he isn't just saying it to impress friends or family. He genuinely believes I'm the best person to raise our babies while he's at work, and it feels so good to wake up in the morning knowing that. In turn, I try to make sure he's aware of how grateful I am that he works so hard and provides me with the opportunity to be at home with the kids as much as I get to be.
2. Show affection. Holding hands now is one of the first steps in the journey of holding hands forever. Sit next to each other on the couch, hold open doors, brush hair out of each others faces. Give real kisses... You know. The kind you gave when you first got together. My husband can't go a day without calling me "gorgeous" or touching my face somehow. We're always touching.
3. Be present. Step out from behind the iPhone screen and enjoy spending time with your spouse without existing in an alternative universe. Take the time every day to connect with the person you love. This is something we both still struggle with. It's so easy to unwind when the day begins to slow down and finally get quiet by plopping down on the couch and putting in a movie to play in the background while you check your Facebook notifications or watch that funny cat video that you've already seen eight times. You're not really spending time together just because you're in the same room breathing the same air.
4. Don't take everything so seriously. Laugh together. You married them because they are your friend! The easiest way to stay friends is to set aside all of the stress and worries that keep you preoccupied for most of the day and just be goofy together.
5. Never stop dating. My husband and I just recently handed off the children and went out. We shot a few games of pool and then we ended up in a park, playing together like children. We laughed, he chased, I squealed, and we fell asleep that night with smiles on our faces. Make sure to set aside some time to be together, just the two of you, to do the things you used to do together. Make a point to remind yourselves why you fell in love in the first place.
6. Try not to compete over who had the hardest day. I know this one can be tough, and by all means, when you have a particularly rough day you should talk to your spouse. However, you should also listen to your spouse. You know that reaction you want your spouse to have when you delve into your description of your spit-up covered, loud, messy, exhausting day? Give that reaction to your spouse when they complain about that one coworker/boss that makes their life a nightmare. When it comes down to it, you both had bad days. Don't make it worse. Just be grateful you have a person to complain to at the end of the day.
7. When you inevitably have an argument, listen to them. Listen to understand where they are coming from, not to find another reason to keep fighting. There are two reasons my husband and I can say we've only had one fight in three years. We listen to each other during a "discussion" so that it doesn't quickly escalate into a full blown fight, and we
8. Don't keep score. We don't hold on to the last fight in order to have more ammunition for the next one. We don't keep track of how much we are doing and how much they are not. We do what we need to do. Then we appreciate what we don't have to do because we have an amazing partner who is willing to pick up our slack.
9. Be realistic. You obviously love this person or you wouldn't have married them. He isn't the main character in a romance novel. She's not a model. He farts, leaves dirty socks on the living room floor, and still can't remember to put the toilet seat down. She waits until you're about to fall asleep at night before finally launching into every detail of her day. Don't expect them to be what they are not. Enjoy them for all of their perfect imperfections.
10. Prioritize your spouse. Your marriage comes first, your kids come second. They were there before the kids and they will be there after the kids. Be sure to make a conscious effort to put them above everything else. Treat them as your equal. They are your partner, your teammate. Your family is built on the relationship you choose to have with your spouse.
These may seem like simple things, but it's a bit harder than it looks sometimes. When people drift through life, it is rarely together. Too often, kids will grow up, move out and you will reach out for your spouse and realize that they have drifted so far away that it might seem like too much of a battle to swim their way again. It's important to use compromises and sacrifices, communication and love, every single day to make sure that you can't drift too far apart because...Oh, look... You're still holding hands.
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